.....With a heart that will never ever heal.
Sat at our dining table, Sunday 14th April 2019, eating a roast dinner together we had no idea that 3 days later we would be saying goodbye for the very last time.
My Dad took me greyhound racing, rabbiting and hunting. He showed me how to shoot a gun, paunch a rabbit and gut a fish. He told me to never stay in a job I didn't like.
He showed me what is was to work so very hard.
He passed onto me his determination, his stubborn streak his quick temper and sharp tongue, his fighting spirit and ability to tease and joke.
I would give anything for one more day with him
Dad worked all his life, he was making plans for a well earned retirement, when, out of the blue we were informed he had contracted Sepsis, we think from a small cut on his arm whilst working on the farm, within 24 hours he had passed away.
The feelings that have accompanied me ever since that day are a combination of pain, sadness, anger and guilt. There has been no let up since.
People are full of wisdom at times of bereavement some helpful, some not so. The most common phrase I heard was "give it time" but if I'm truly honest all time has done is increase my anger for all the milestones he's missing, the memories we are making with out him and increased the guilt of carrying on without him.
It's Father's Day in 10 days and although I will be supporting my children whilst we make a fuss of my husband it truly is one of the most difficult days of the year for me and so many people who have also sadly lost their Dad.
It's also a day of regret as there were so many things left unsaid.
I could have thanked him more for the odd fiver he threw my way or the lifts into town.
I could have spent more time with him watching the footy or just cleaning the car.
I could and should have told him I loved him every single day.
Father's Day is a time to forget the disagreements, the crossed words. One day he wont be there for you to tell him how much you appreciate all he's done for you and you will regret not saying it when you had the chance, I know I do.
Anyone can be a Father but it takes one hell of a man to be a Dad.
So this year please look out for friends who sadly wont have the opportunity to spend the day with their dad. Just a text message or a phone call can make such a difference, you don't need to acknowledge their Dad's not around, simply be cause for a brief distraction in what for some is such a difficult day.
Much Love Dawn xx